What are you thankful for? (11/30/24)

 It’s a question I should be asking myself every day, but at least the designation of November’s fourth Thursday for this purpose by FDR in 1941 has made it difficult to go through an entire calendar year without giving it some thought. As I struggle to reassemble the pieces of our lives that have been left in the wake of this tragedy, I’m discovering that it is no different than any other educational pursuit. This is a challenge that can be met, and there are some strategies that work better than others. Tim Keller’s book on Pain and Suffering has been an excellent playbook, and while he is very quick to point out that there is no magic formula to find “the secret to being content in every situation,” it is a skill that Paul claims to have “learned” (Philippians 4:12). Keller suggests that this curriculum involves three disciplines: Thinking, Thanking, and Loving.

The truth is, even in this dark hour there is so much to be thankful for. In “A Grief Observed,” C.S. Lewis points out that “One never meets just Cancer, or War, or Unhappiness (or Happiness). One only meets each hour or moment that comes. All manner of ups and downs. Many bad spots in our best times, many good ones in our worst. One never gets the total impact of what we call ‘the thing itself.’ But we call it wrongly. The thing itself is simply all these ups and downs: the rest is a name or an idea.” There are too many “good spots” right now for me to even make an effort at proper gratitude, but here is a feeble attempt:

·       I’m thankful for Joyce. To know her is to be made a better person, and although she had her hands full when she signed up to be my wife, I can’t even imagine where I would be right now without her.

·       I’m thankful that whatever happens, I haven’t lost her suddenly without the opportunity to tell her how much I love her until she’s tired of hearing it. Even better, of the “Five Love Languages,” hers is “acts of service.” Although I’ve never been very good at it, the likelihood is that I’ll get a few more opportunities to hone this skill as we battle the physical limitations that the disease inflicts.

·       I’m thankful for corticosteroids. After three terrifying weeks of feeling helpless as this cancer drained her energy and produced new forms of pain, I have found new joy in seeing Joyce released from its grip.

·       I’m thankful for wisdom. This is an extremely unusual type of cancer that will likely present more complex decision-making challenges than a set of clinical guidelines can answer. Philippians 4:6 implores us to not be anxious, but “make requests to God with thanksgiving.” We can thank Him in advance as we ask for the wisdom our team of medical providers will need during the next week as they finalize the chemotherapy plan.

·       I’m thankful that after completing the second cycle of chemotherapy yesterday, we haven’t had a major setback. Even an unexpected fever last night turned out to be short lived and not a harbinger of a new infection.

·       I’m thankful that my kids seem to be thriving in their studies despite being uprooted from the classroom for the past two weeks. I’m thankful that Sheri and Dave have proven to be exceptional educators and have been so generous with every resource at their disposal to help my family. A direct quote from my son: “no offense Dad, but Uncle Dave is way better at teaching math than you are.” Lucia has been equally candid in her assessment of my limitations, rolling her eyes and reassuring me not to worry if I can’t figure the problem out. Uncle Dave will solve it.

·       I’m thankful that a consequence of our situation was getting to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with three different generations of family members on both sides. Turkey was eaten (along with strange ethnic foods like Pernil, Cremita, and Pannenkoeken), music was played and sung (including all nine parts of “One Day More”), Christmas trees were cut down and decorated, football games were watched (along with many helpful suggestions offered for Jerry Jones), and our children discovered the joy of simulating a point blank assassination using a wide range of firearms (Uncle Dave brought out the N64 and we decided that “GoldenEye” should be a rite of passage for every 11-year-old).

When I remember all the good things that God has already done for me, it’s not at all unreasonable to expect that He will continue to pour out His love for us no matter what the future looks like. As Keller explains it, “Because God is sovereign, we are to thank him—we are to live thankfully because we know he is like this. We are to thank him beforehand, even as we make our requests. We are to thank him for whatever he sends us, even if we don’t understand it.”